I'm sitting here trying to work today - home... again because the Kid had another melt down. There is a bird making its nest on top of my light by the front door.
I'm watching it fly past the window getting more sticks, leaves and grass. Back and forth.
Birds lead a simple life. Eat, avoid cats and bigger birds, mate, eat more, poop on my car and stay out of the rain.
My life is not simple and I wish it were. There is a sort of desperation in a mother's eyes when her child can not behave due to the need for instant gratification. This is something I deal with on a daily basis and its wearing me down.
She's a good kid when she's with older people. Kids her age don't do it for her most of the time. She also just wants to play. I don't blame her. But how do you get a 4 year old to understand that there is a time and place for everything. Work, school, play.... I yelled (mistake #1). I ignored the bad behavior (mistake # 2). I talked calmly (sort of working) but I still feel like a bad parent. Like I've damaged her. Did I do this? I should have known when she slapped me in the face at birth.
All I want is for a good day. Go to school, no fighting, a good report, when I say "no" there is no plea bargaining, no bed time fights, just lights out. How do I do that?